(Full quotes at the end of the post)
"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think"
"There is a vast difference between failure and temporary defeat"
The majority of the time if I'm struggling during a workout or run, I try to keep the first quote running through my head to keep me going. This weekend however, I found myself looking to the second one in an effort to make myself feel better.
A little backstory:
My best friend Frannie and I recently started doing a bootcamp at the gym we're now going to, run by an amazing trainer named G.I. Jen. I haven't been going as often as Frannie has, either due to my schedule, conflicts with my training sessions with Andre' or because of my health. I was really excited all week though to go to this Saturday's bootcamp because I was planning on bringing my new GR1 and bricks with me. What's that, you ask?
A GR1 is a rucksack from GORUCK that I finally purchased after wanting one for what feels like forever. It came in the mail this week and I immediately strapped my 4 bricks inside and affixed my favorite RuckTard patch. My GORUCK challenge is in October and this time I plan to be a little more prepared, hence the doing bootcamp with my pack. Today was going to serve 2 purposes: to start my GRC training and get me used to carrying bricks again, and to test out my brick placement as well as see what adjustments or modifications I might need to make. A sternum strap is definitely in order and potentially a waist strap if possible, but we'll see.
Friday morning I woke up knowing that something was off. All day I was headachy and dizzy, and later ended up with a severe sore throat and a pressure in my throat as if my lymph nodes were swollen. I didn't know if I was actually getting sick or if it was the beginning of yet another wonderful CFIDS flareup due to a month long bout of insomnia. I just kept my fingers crossed that I'd feel better in the morning for bootcamp. Yeah, that didn't happen.
I woke up the next morning dizzy and shaky, definitely NOT feeling better. If I hadn't wanted to test out my pack so badly I probably would have crawled right back into bed. But I was determined to at least give it a shot. Walking across the parking lot just to get to the gym I had the realization that I might not be able to get all the way through bootcamp. There was a heaviness to my head and body that I couldn't shake.
Once bootcamp started, I was feeling good in the sense that the pack wasn't affecting my performance. Air squats, burpees, tire flips, walk-out push ups with oblique planks, all went well with my pack. Even the running wasn't near as difficult as I remember it being in the past, although physically I was feeling sicker and sicker as the time went on. After two rounds of the circuit and about 40 minutes into it, I had to call it quits. The dizziness had gotten too bad and I felt like there was no way I was going to finish the last 20 minutes, pack or no pack. I left quietly, trying to avoid as much attention as I could to the fact that I was having to quit.
On the ride home, all I could do was beat myself up for leaving. I found myself saying "Well so-and-so wouldn't have quit, so why did you?" The benefit to being in a large number of Facebook groups for Tough Mudder, Spartan Race, and especially GORUCK is the large network of incredible athletes you have access to that can help inspire and motivate you. The downside to having that network of incredible athletes is that it allows that negative inner voice to constantly compare yourself to them. I've seen people perform absolutely incredible feats of athleticism that I could never dream of being able to do. My problem is that instead of letting those feats inspire me, I see them and convince myself that I'm a terrible athlete and that I'll never measure up to them.
It wasn't until I was crawling into bed after showering that something that G.I. Jen hadsaid shouted during one of my first bootcamp's came to mind: "You never compare yourself to anyone else!"
That's when I stopped beating myself up and started considering the positives: I'd woken up feeling like I had the flu and I still went to give bootcamp a shot, with my loaded pack no less. I may have only made it 40 minutes but at least I made it 40 minutes. Are there people that would have pushed themselves through the whole thing? Sure. But I'll bet 99% of those aren't dealing with an auto-immune disorder that whether they like it or not, controls pretty much their whole lives. I don't have the luxury of not working so I always have to be conscious of how whatever I'm doing will affect my ability to work. So sure, I possibly could have tried to push myself to finish the final 20 minutes of bootcamp, but what would the consequences be? For me, it's never as cut and dry as just pushing myself to my limits during a workout and then walking away. Every single day, every single workout requires a plan of how I'm going to set myself up for it, and what I'm going to do afterwards to minimize any potential issues. Let me tell you, it's exhausting. And frustrating, especially when I see others doing the things I want to be able to do, hence the constant comparisons I make of myself to them. Some days are better than others, and sometimes, like last night, I just sit and cry because it feels like I'm never going to feel healthy again.
I'm going to try and keep G.I. Jen's words in mind next time that negative inner voice starts speaking up. I have to learn to push myself to MY limits and no one else's, and to be ok with that. I'm also going to try to stop beating myself up any time I don't do as well at something as I'd like, and I know that's something that pretty much any athlete deals with.
Let me be clear: I'm not saying to use the whole "temporary defeat" thing as an excuse to quit anytime it gets hard. If you do, you're never going to grow and your mind will become accustomed to shutting down when you start struggling through a workout or run. But there's a difference between pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and working out recklessly. Listen to your body, it knows the difference. This weekend I had to listen to it tell me that this just wasn't the day for me to be pushing myself. And I have to be ok with that, because it's a temporary defeat, but definitely not a failure.
*Full quotes:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” -Winnie The Pooh
"There is a vast difference between failure and temporary defeat. There is no such thing as failure, unless it is accepted as such. Every defeat is temporary unless you give up and allow it to become permanent. In fact, temporary defeat often makes us stronger and more capable. Each time we try and fail, we learn something that helps prepare us for eventual success. When you view adversity as nothing more than a learning experience, your successes in life will far outnumber your failures.
It wasn't until I was crawling into bed after showering that something that G.I. Jen had
That's when I stopped beating myself up and started considering the positives: I'd woken up feeling like I had the flu and I still went to give bootcamp a shot, with my loaded pack no less. I may have only made it 40 minutes but at least I made it 40 minutes. Are there people that would have pushed themselves through the whole thing? Sure. But I'll bet 99% of those aren't dealing with an auto-immune disorder that whether they like it or not, controls pretty much their whole lives. I don't have the luxury of not working so I always have to be conscious of how whatever I'm doing will affect my ability to work. So sure, I possibly could have tried to push myself to finish the final 20 minutes of bootcamp, but what would the consequences be? For me, it's never as cut and dry as just pushing myself to my limits during a workout and then walking away. Every single day, every single workout requires a plan of how I'm going to set myself up for it, and what I'm going to do afterwards to minimize any potential issues. Let me tell you, it's exhausting. And frustrating, especially when I see others doing the things I want to be able to do, hence the constant comparisons I make of myself to them. Some days are better than others, and sometimes, like last night, I just sit and cry because it feels like I'm never going to feel healthy again.
I'm going to try and keep G.I. Jen's words in mind next time that negative inner voice starts speaking up. I have to learn to push myself to MY limits and no one else's, and to be ok with that. I'm also going to try to stop beating myself up any time I don't do as well at something as I'd like, and I know that's something that pretty much any athlete deals with.
Let me be clear: I'm not saying to use the whole "temporary defeat" thing as an excuse to quit anytime it gets hard. If you do, you're never going to grow and your mind will become accustomed to shutting down when you start struggling through a workout or run. But there's a difference between pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and working out recklessly. Listen to your body, it knows the difference. This weekend I had to listen to it tell me that this just wasn't the day for me to be pushing myself. And I have to be ok with that, because it's a temporary defeat, but definitely not a failure.
*Full quotes:
“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” -Winnie The Pooh
"There is a vast difference between failure and temporary defeat. There is no such thing as failure, unless it is accepted as such. Every defeat is temporary unless you give up and allow it to become permanent. In fact, temporary defeat often makes us stronger and more capable. Each time we try and fail, we learn something that helps prepare us for eventual success. When you view adversity as nothing more than a learning experience, your successes in life will far outnumber your failures.
Don't let temporary setbacks hold you from being successful."-Unknown
Only YOU know how hard to push yourself, no one else. And if I have learned anything from training while injured, it's that it only takes longer to recover and messes with you mentally. I assume training while ill is similar. Also, we are competitive people. We thrive on it!!! So if the inspirational groups/pintrest,ect is too much for you right now, then take a break from looking at it! Half of training is mental, if you are comparing yourself to others, your workouts will not be as effective. Sorry you are sick, I hope you get better soon! Btw...your workout with the rucksack? BADASS! So stop apologizing and go out there and hit it as hard as YOU can! (bam! frannie tough love...you knew that was coming right?!?!?)
ReplyDelete<3 Frannie